Another Series of Unfortunate Events

It started with some kind words. With someone being a true friend to me beyond the basic normal rules of friendship. How could that be bad .. you say? It was just the beginning in a series of unfortunate events.

I find myself using that phrase more than once. I wonder what that reveals about me. Nothing positive I am sure.

I was about to round the corner of a wagon when I heard my name. Now pure politeness would have urged me to continue and interrupt whoever was about to speak about me without me realizing I was there listening. Or better yet to turn around and walk the other way. However .. something in me brought me to a halt and despite my better intentions I eavesdropped.

What would have happened if I had turned around and left the speakers to their privacy? Going the other way?

I overheard Astar tell someone they were wrong about me. The person argued with her .. told her she was not there during the incident in question and Astar could not know what she was talking about. Astar .. in her small and quiet way told the person that she did not have to be there .. that she knew me. Knew me .. the man Fonce ... and that she knew that did not sound like me and she would not believe it.

There was more .. but right then I was swept all over with the urge to argue with Astar .. to tell her that I am not that predictable. That sometimes I do bad things even if I am not a bad person. That she should not be so sure of me .. so sure as to fly in the face of another and tell them they were wrong about something she could not know of. Yet she claimed to know they were wrong simply by the very fact she knew me better than that. How could she?

The person she was speaking to grew angry with her obstinate response and left. I stepped out from behind the wagon .. expecting Astar to grow embarrassed by her words but she simply smiled in her calm way and nodded to me to sit by the fire while she got me a bowl of stew. I must have been frowning for she chuckled softly at me and told me that faith was something I claimed to have lost .. and until I agreed to have some I should not fault her for her own. I tried to rub the scars off my face before I gave up and ate some stew.

What would have happened if I had not stayed to eat the stew she served me?

Pacu joined us and slapped me on the shoulder .. telling me it had been too long since my last visit to the family wagons. I grinned .. nodded ... and felt guilty for not getting to see them sooner. He invited me on a Tabuk hunt .. why not? I needed to assuage my guilt for not getting over there sooner and a hunt would feel good. The meat was needed to make jerky for the coming move.

What would have happened if I had not felt guilty and decided to go on the hunt?

There were five of us that went on that hunt. There are two of us left still alive. When all was said and done I was pasangs from the main camp and the herd and without my kaiila. Battered .. bruised all over .. face covered in my own blood from a wound above my left temple .. my clothes covered in blood that was not mine. All alone facing six mounted and bloody Paravaci who had no idea why I was there or why I looked like a herd of bosk just stampeded over the top of me.

Figures

What would have happened if the group of rogue plainsmen had not seen us? What would have happened if Serge had not gone berserk and tried to kill everyone in sight .. would we all be dead now? What would have happened if Serge had not hit me so hard on my helmet that I lost consciousness and woke up pasangs away buried under a dead kaiila? Would I have killed Serge? Would Pacu still be alive?

What would have happened if I had just turned and walked the other way from behind that wagon? Would everything have been different? Would Pacu be alive right now? Would I have been caught out on the plains with only my quiva and saddle gear facing half a dozen mounted Paravaci?

Where did the series begin? Where will it end?

Am I selfish that in all this loss and all this trauma that I cling to Astar's words tighter than a babe to his mother's tit? That I will not let it go or be sorry for one moment that I know there is someone out there in the world that believes in me despite my best efforts to dissuade anyone from doing so?

Selfish or not .. wrong or not ... I will not let it go.

It is mine now.

Unfortunately I might not be alive much longer to enjoy it.