A Skirt

Silken has taken to wearing a skirt. It was surprising to me .. I can not remember ever seeing her wear one. I told her it was weird. I did not mean it was a bad weird .. I meant it was just a different weird.

Everyone noticed of course .. it would be hard not to. It looks good on her .. more feminine. But then I have always appreciated the feminine. I hope Silken sticks with whatever is her .. not with what people think she should wear. If she is more comfortable in her leathers then she should wear them. I did inform her that her leathers did not make her look like a man .. far from it. In fact it revealed a hell of a lot more of the fact she was female than the skirt did.

Silken said she had something for me and asked me to stop by her wagon. I did so and she gave me some salve. She wanted to massage it into my muscles but I would not allow it. She accused me of not trusting her .. I told her if I did not trust her I would not accept her salve.

I had to explain to Silken that I do not always deal with touch very well. Sometimes it is better than others. Usually it needs to be my idea. She asked me if I was like Tarra .. whom she described as someone that felt other people's emotions when they touched her.

That is not how it works for me.

I got the lecture on my shoulder. I told her I had not lied to her any more than I had lied to Tarra. Besides .. I told her she had not been around.

She told me about some dreams she is having .. dreams involving me. Meeting a wall when she tries to get close. I told her .. it was in her head ... these things. I did not mean that they were not important .. I meant that she was experiencing a lot in thoughts that neither one of us had even gotten near in real life.

I told her she did not know me well enough to have met any of my real walls yet .. give it time ... I had plenty to choose from.

I had not seen her much at all since she had told me she wanted to get to know me. I commented on that .. she said there was not much chance to get to know someone around the main fires. I had to disagree. I told her there is much you can learn about someone when they are around many someone elses. Even if it is .. who they are not. She asked what I knew about her .. that she was not. I told her I did not know her well enough to answer that.

I did not mean I had nothing to say .. I just meant I did not know her well enough to say it.

I reminded her there was no rush .. I did not believe either one of us were ready for a relationship .. at least I am sure that I am not. I know it .. because I want it so bad. A relationship that is. To fill the vacuum of nothingness that keeps sucking at every cell of my body willing me to find something to fill it. That is my first clue .. I am not ready to actually have a healthy one. Relationship .. that is.

How mature of me.

I do have moments .. where I appear to be in my right mind and full of wisdom about my own life and the direction that it is going in.

And then there is the rest of the time .. which seems to be the ruling majority.