An Angry Sky

I left Cana with words. Words about the bonds created with a woman .. a woman that bears a man his children. His heirs. His future. We do not write things down for others to read years from now so they understand our thoughts. There are songs about us .. there are records with the Year Keepers. But even then great deeds are remembered .. not the pieces of a man. These are passed on through his blood. His thoughts .. his ways. They are carried on for generations. His legacy.

He is an amalgamation of all that came before him ... his ancestors lined up behind him speaking his name to the Sky. They will be remembered through him .. through his deeds ... his courage .. his honor. A man wants to stand there one day with them and speak his sons names to the Sky.

It is how I feel .. it is what I believe. It is the way of my People.

I wish I had more than words to give her. I wish I had a way to make it real .. the understanding of it. the importance of giving these things to a man.

But all I have is words .. I have never been given this thing. I have never had such myself. I can only speak what is in my head .. in my heart ... I can not show with my life. But someday I will have this.

I thought I had found this with T'zuri. I thought it was the answer .. given to me from the Sky. I do not understand why it was taken from me. I do not understand the tease of it all. I spoke with Cana about T'zuri .. a little. As much as it is hard .. as much as it hurts ... it is still good to speak of it out loud.

Tonight the Sky is angry .. lightning dances and thunder speaks. It is much how I feel. How I wish to act. I am not allowed such a show of temper as that. Tonight the Sky does not weep .. it does not simply shed tears ... tonight the Sky rages and beats out frustrations on the plains. Sending all the elements at once to test and try the mettle of man and beast.

I am ready for it .. I want it. I want the Sky to test me ... I want to feel the rage of it as it beats upon my head and upon my chest. I want to see if the Sky can match my own frustrations. I wonder which of us will win. I wonder if I will survive. I wonder if the Sky will finally bring me to my knees before it. I wonder if the Sky can break me.

Bring it on.