The Stuff of Dreams

Catch was curious as to the future. I told her I needed to speak with Ayguili. That need was only increasing. I told her that much depended on that talk. And if I found out that this was some kaissa game between Seveya and her uncle that I would not be a simple pawn in their game. She was confused .. so I explained that there are games of power. Where people move against each other and use other people as pawns. Karvek had made a move to establish his power and control and if this move by Seveya was simply a tit for tat .. there would be consequences for involving me. I play by rules .. but those rules are not necessarily everyone else's rules. In fact .. rarely.

Catch said that would be a dangerous sort of game to play. Well that was my point. She said .. she chose to believe it was simply that Seveya wanted to be with me. Catch is biased .. despite the fact she told me it was based on her woman's intuition. Wily little slave. She asked me how I would know .. if it was a game or not. I told her motives have a way of becoming very clear .. especially with a little help. But none of this was anything but conjecture .. nothing could or would be done until I could talk to Ayguili. She must have been feeling rather comfortable with the fact I was answering all her questions .. she asked me what we would speak of. I subtly reminded her of her place by telling her we would speak of the business of men.

Catch told me she could tell that I cared a great deal for Seveya. How could she know such? Was that her bias speaking? Was she trying to tell me something she thought I wanted to know? I told her I did not know how I felt. She asked me if I knew how I felt about her. I told her it was much the same thing. She told me she wanted to be more .. be better at things she knew she could learn. She told me she was thankful for my time and the answers to her questions .. I told her she should be. She said felt bad that all she was doing was speaking of her .. when I had so many other things on my mind. I told her .. yes I did have many things on my mind but I was not loathe to speak of her. Then .. just like a woman ... she did a 180 and changed the subject as soon as I assured her I was all right with it.

figures

She told me .. she thought Seveya would be the one. The one .. what? I was confused. My brain is not crafted to dance so light footed. She said she thought Seveya was the one to give me fat Tuchuk babies.

huh

I asked her why she would say such a thing. What did she know that I did not? Why would she know more than I? I got a little wound up.

grunt

She said .. "When I came upon You two. You seemed very comfortable with each other. You...seemed....drawn together. I am..actually..envious of that a bit. The ease and at the same time, the spark that seems to flame between the two of You. There was no distance between You, and even though I have only seen a little of You in such circumstances... that was something different. It is what dreams are made of, that spark."

I tried to carve it up and dismiss it by my calculated and intense questions. I took a blade to her statement .. much like I have taken my hand to flesh. How dare she say that to me .. how dare she evoke some kind of belief in me for such things? Why would she set me up like that .. to hurt me? What had I ever done to her? What was her motive in putting the black tar of her boskshit faith on me? I did not want it. I did not want to be marked by it. I did not want it to fail me yet again and leave me wounded in ways I was uncertain I could continue to recover from. All my carefully crafted ideas of love got shoved inside the chest and forgotten as I raged against the very thing I wanted so badly. To believe.

But it was stronger than I was. It could not be washed off. It was permanently placed and withstood my feeble attempts to protect myself from it. Then with one deft stroke she placed her hand over my heart and said ..

"But what makes me pause, is that, You have spoken of Your dreams..dying. So I know that You are capable..of.. dismissing that spark."

She touched me. She touched me deeply and I am forever marked by it. She held something precious about someone else and chose to give it to me despite her own fear of loss. If she even knows fear .. she seemed not to be touched by it if she does. She did not keep it to herself .. she gave it to me. She shared it with me. She redeemed her gender to me in ways I can never hope to fully explain. I am not blind or stupid and I know she is human and female and she may not always be so wise and unselfish. But for that moment .. she was. For that moment she chose to be and in so doing gave me a gift of priceless value.

She spoke to me of what dreams are made of. She loved me enough to want me to have my dreams .. what she saw as my dreams. She wanted to secure them for me .. even though she thought they were another woman... to set her time and energy to serve and protect me. Her .. a slave. A slave I barely even know. A slave who has set me up as a hero. I thought that was to her own detriment. I thought that was a terrible mistake she would at some point wake up from. So simple .. does she not see how such a gift is also what dreams are made of? Of course she does not .. that is what makes it valid.

Can a man have two such gifts given to him? A man such as me? I am not worthy of such. I run around cursing the Sky on a regular basis. I am irreverent and stubborn .. brutal and unforgiving. I am apathetic and cruel in my cold distance ... and yet ... here within a few paces of each other were two women who seemed to be ...

what dreams are made of.

My dreams anyway.