Mezoo!! I Know..

To know .. it is a thing most powerful to me. A gift. A thing I value when it happens to me. Despite all the wicked cruel things it means in entirety .. just the ability for me to know is something I hold precious.

I was excited .. when I left Seveya. I had intent .. though I stopped long enough at the stream to bathe myself and I was in the process of walking towards the Main Fires when I came across Mezoo. I stopped to speak to her .. actually she got my attention by commenting on the fact it had been a long time since she heard me sing. I dawned on me that I was indeed .. singing. A low toned song I have sung many times for the bosk while riding nights.

I must have been wearing my expressions .. for she saw them ... recognized them for at least their feel if not their source. She told me she was on her way to see grandmother though .. she admitted to being a little intrigued by my appearance .. and I know she did not mean the fact that I was wet and braiding my hair. She meant something else entirely.

I told her that it was good she was on her way to see Oren for .. Oren had been chewing off Ayguili's ear about missing Mezoo. She said it had been about a hand since she saw Ayguili .. and she had a list of people who she needed to make contact with. She said Pacu had led her to believe that not all was well between her and Oren and that perhaps some space was in order. Well that shocked the shit right out of me .. I told her that I was not sure what Pacu was up to or had in his brain but I could tell her for sure that all was well with her in Oren's eyes .. and Ayguili's as well ... and I said that with a slow wide grin.

I told her that Ayguili had charmed Oren in a way I was jealous and envious of and that the man had found a place in her heart that I had seen few do. She admitted she was on her way to see Oren and the family despite everything Pacu had said anyway .. and then she said ... "But you .. look at you. You are braiding your hair, you sing, you have even bathed."

I was wounded .. "Hey .. I bathe!"

She asked me if I would share with her .. what it was all about or if I was in a hurry to go somewhere ... I played innocent and asked her .. what ... I was supposed to share?

She pronounced it must be going to remain a mystery .. and that at least she had shared her's all over when she had it. I asked her then .. seriously ... if she actually wished to know. If it was not just politeness .. her query.

It was her turn to look wounded and she wanted to know if after all these years if I had not learned she wished to know both my sorrows and my joys .. that she cared about me.

I told her it was not easy for me to share .. either one. She told me she was patient .. she has to be because I am a slow learner. She was still talking .. about that ... when I told her...

... I know.

I could not think of a better way to say it .. for me that summed it all up.

She missed it though .. so I said it again ... a little more urgently.

I know.

And then she surprised me .. she gathered me up in a hug and kissed my cheek.

well damn

I guess she .. understands.

So I gathered her up in my arms and picked her feet up off the ground and she smacked me on my chest .. I set her down with a chuckle and she said to me .. "It is a wonderful feeling .. isn't it?"

I answered .. it was certainly a different feeling. A feeling that I want to explore and at the same time I am not sure I want to explore it at all.

She told me I did .. indeed ... wish to explore it that it was written all over my expression and it seeped from my pores and exhaled in the sound of music.

I grunted.

She patted me on the arm and asked me .. if I could think of a good reason not to explore it?

I told her .. not yet but that knowing me ... I was sure I would come up with something.

I admitted I had not told Oren yet .. and I did not intend to ... not yet. She warned me Oren would come after me and make me herd verr in punishment. I had to chuckle .. but I told her I could not and if I was wearing it so easily visible than I was going to even avoid her for the next few days. I just wanted to do it when it was time .. when the time was right. She understood.

I told her I needed to speak to Ayguili .. first. Then I would come and speak to her about it. And then .. I let her know ... I had set her bride price.

Amusement danced in my gaze .. I was busting out with it. Pride and .. this feeling I can not exactly define yet. I was excited .. like a wet behind the ears unscarred boy who just earned his name and wants to shout it all over the Harigga and hear it from a million Tuchuk voices .. hear it grace the tongues of Elders who I have looked up to for years .. just for that day. That is what it was like .. for me.

She asked me .. if I was sure .. he would be accepting of what I wanted. I brushed it aside .. how easy I look back on that now and curse her for being the Spex she is. Curse myself for not realizing her tongue was full of omens ... her words were portents. I told her .. I was sure. Was I not? Was I not sure he knew more than any man alive how much I was willing to respect and protect Seveya? Even from him? Even from Karvek? What more could a guardian ask for? That I would provide and protect even better than he himself had done. What more? No I was sure Ayguili would be as excited as I was .. because ... I knew. And according to Mezoo it was written all over me. There was no secret .. surely I would not even have to explain it. I was riding high on a cloud that was destined to be evaporated by lightning.

figures

In my blissful ignorance of her omen I excitedly told Mezoo that the price had set for her was high .. the highest price I could think of ... priceless in fact. And I chuckled .. chuckled with a happiness that I despise now .. that I abhor ... and I curse. How naive and pitiful was my happiness .. how pathetic and weak .. how shortsighted and worthless.

But in that moment .. there was no knowledge of that. There was only this bliss .. this happiness. There was only what I felt and what I .. knew ... and there was more. Mezoo saw it and understood it and in that also there was a blessing to me. I felt .. understood. It only served to set me up higher .. so that my fall would hurt worse.

fucking figures