Of the Blind

I was wandering around the stream .. a favored haunt of mine. Yamka was throwing pebbles into the water and I asked her what she was doing out there. She said she was thinking .. had a lot in her mind that was trapped without any answers. I told her I knew that feeling.

She said she had never had this kind of problem before .. it sounded serious and I asked her if she wished to speak of it with me .. she asked me to tell her what I thought of her when I looked at her. She wanted to know if she made an impression .. if I remembered her after I left.

These were odd questions to me. I was not sure how to answer them .. not because I did not know the answer but because it was a woman asking me and just when you think you know the answer ... you find out how mistaken you really are and if only you had realized you were ignorant in the first place things would have gone on much better.

So I answered in my own way .. I told her she was a beautiful Tuchuk woman. A little naive perhaps but that I had seen her growing and changing and taking on responsibilities. She said her heart and her fear were calling her in two different directions. That Cana had told her she was a woman of means .. but she did not feel any differently.

I was confused .. but one thing at a time. I asked her what she meant by "a woman of means". She told me of possessions. Things that she had or had been given to her that were seeds to grow into much more. This I could understand. So I asked her then about the fact her heart and her fear were at such a difference.

She said I would not understand how she felt .. when she looked at Ayguili. But she had found out another liked him as well and she was not sure what to do about it. Whether she should let it go or tell him how she felt. Well I agreed that I did not get much of a feeling when I looked at the Ubar .. but I did know what it was like to look at someone and have a feeling that touched deep inside of me. I asked her then .. what exactly her feelings were ... for Ayguili.

She said she wanted to get to know him. Him the man .. not the Ubar. That the position meant nothing to her. But she had never felt the desire to get to know someone in this way and she feared it was too late.

I asked her .. too late for what... exactly. It did not seem to me that it was ever too late to get to know someone.

She said she was not exciting .. she was only a Leatherworker. That she felt she could not get his attention like this other woman could. I told her .. Ayguili will respond to what he wants. What he is attracted to. That no matter what Ayguili liked .. it was never a bad thing to get to know someone even if it did not lead to an affair of the heart.

She asked me if I really thought that way .. if I actually thought she should let him know how she felt even if he was not interested in her. I said .. what is interested? Neither one of you know each other well enough to know that yet. What she had to offer him was simply the fact that she wanted to know more.

She said he thought all women were osts. I said he will probably continue to think that until some woman gives him the chance to get to know her. I went on to tell her that consisted of how she was around the fires .. how she acted around him and around others. Who she was as a person. How she took care of those in her charge. All the things that made her ... Yamka. I told her it took time and effort to actually get to know someone. And you either take that time and effort .. or you let something go that you are not even sure what it is yet. Giving that time would allow Ayguili to make a decision about what he really wanted. He could not make that decision with any great accuracy without the knowledge given to him that he even had the choice to make.

She said she would do that .. take the time and effort to just allow him to see who she was. But she did not want to make the same mistake as her friend who threw herself at a man. I told her she did not know Ayguili well enough to understand if she even wanted to throw herself at him yet.

Yamka seems to be in a terrible hurry with all this. As if .. it all must be decided instantly. That she has made her decision and so must Ayguili. But I see Ayguili getting to know many people .. before he makes any kind of decision for the rest of his life .. if he ever does. I see Yamka getting worried over the fact that Ayguili shows interest in someone else as if .. that is not allowed. Or if he does show interest that .. it must mean he does not have an interest in Yamka. I think that ... Ayguili should be allowed to be interested in many people before there is talk of what that interest will grow into. To buy from the future is not a good thing .. especially when you are making a purchase for someone else. It is rarely a gift that is appreciated.

I gave her a few final words of advice .. among them was to return to the safety of the Harigga. That it was late and she was out alone. She told me she would. Yamka did not see my words as a threat. That amuses me. She has eyes for Ayguili and only Ayguili. A first crush is rarely easy on the heart. I hope she will be all right and that she will slow down and take it as I advised ... one moment at a time. But I doubt she will .. it is easy to say and much harder to do.

As I continued on my walk along the stream I had to chuckle. The entire idea of Yamka asking me for advice on the subject of love was rather ludicrous. I know the words to say .. I know the concepts. But in any other way .. it is much like the blind leading the blind.