Eyes of Truth

I was tired. So very tired. But there was still one thing I had left to do and I was not going to rest until it was done. There was a little girl that needed .. something. What did she need? I was chewing this over as I strode towards Ba'atar's wagons looking for Also and perhaps to find Lei as well.

Validation .. I guess if I could think of a short and simple way to sum up what I felt Lei deserved ... it was validation. To be treated like she mattered. To be noticed .. to be given the opportunity to understand. To have someone treat her feelings and questions as if they mattered. Because ... they did. Lei was not old enough to make her own decisions about the circumstances of her life. But she was old enough to think .. old enough to feel ... old enough to have opinions about what was happening to her and those in her life. Especially those in her life who had direct impact on those circumstances ... like her mother.

It was a great weight on my shoulders .. this thing. I had carried it with Ani .. but Lei was different. I had to answer questions for Lei that I never did with Ani. Ani and I communicated in a much different way .. easier ... for both of us.

Thoughts of Ani had cut the stitches on a lot of old wounds and I was bleeding from many places in my heart when I found Also and Lei. Following the trail of sightings ... I found them sitting near the stream. I did not caution them this time about the lateness of the hour or how far they were from the lamps and fire lights of the Harigga. Tonight .. it was safer out here with all the natural dangers ... that it was back there with all the man-made ones. They were cradled safely .. nestled in the quiet arms of the night and I was relieved to find them so.

The water reflected enough light from the moons high above us that I could see the shadowed expressions on their little faces. They were content and happy and I hated to disturb that .. while at the same time relieved more than I can say ... that it was a clean canvas I was about to write on. For once .. the Sky had thrown me a break .. the first one that day.

I almost called a truce .. I almost lowered my copper lance.

Almost.

They smiled a greeting to me and I crouched down next to them .. quiet ... allowing myself to ease into the night with them instead of trying to pull them out of it. As with children .. they sensed there was more than just my desire to hang with them. I could feel their expectancy building .. waiting to hear what it was about. Before it built up too high .. the pressure of something important that was unknown sending them into a panic ... I told them that I needed to speak to Lei about some things. That perhaps it was private things. Lei glanced to Also and Also met her eyes and Lei let me know that it was all right for Also to be there. I respected that .. Also would hear it all and so much better if it was from me. But bottom line .. it was Lei's choice.

Beginning .. was the hardest part ... for me. It always is. I do not have a lot of delicacy of words. I know only one way and that is strait on .. facing it in the eye ... knowing you have it to do and taking up lance and shield and just .. doing it. But I will tell you here and now .. my heart was cut open and exposed by those eyes of hers. Eyes of youth and innocence that could see right through me ..and ... I would have it no other way.

"Lei .. your mother is in some trouble. Some trouble not of her making .. but still trouble. Some people are saying some things about her that are not true. They are not very nice things..."

"Why is it important Fonce, if it's not true?"

I shifted in my crouch and a slow exhale escaped through my mouth. "It is the way of adults that we take words seriously. These words against your mother were said by important people. People of the First Fires .. an Or."

"The words of the First Fires are more important than the truth?"

I knew this was not going to be easy. "No Lei .. they are not. And the truth will come out .. but until then these words have to be taken and examined and your mother has to answer some questions."

"Why are liars more important than my mom?"

"Well .. they are not. And as soon as they are shown to be lies it will be cleared up. And those who were involved will face the consequences of speaking things that they do not know of."

"They will be punished Fonce?"

"Some of them all ready are .. Lei. And yes .. in many ways they will face the natural consequence of their words. Words are powerful things and if they are used carelessly people will no longer trust your use of them. That is why it is always important to think before you speak about people. Before you tell stories that are not yours to tell. Before you make fun or say mean things .. they can not be taken back once you give them the power of your tongue. They take on a life of their own and you can no longer control them."

Both of them were listening .. intently. I could see thoughts flickering across their expressions. Also was quiet as usual but the boy was paying close attention .. very close attention.

"Why do they want to hurt my mom?"

Well that was harder to explain .. "I am not sure they meant to hurt your mother .. Lei. To speak of their motives would be telling a story that is not mine .. do you see? I know they were careless. I know they were either being very .. cruel ... or they were very misguided in their sense of justice. Either way .. your mother is hurt ... hurting. The words were very sharp and unfair."

"Who hurt Lei's mom Fonce?" That was Also. My gaze shifted to him and I studied him for a moment. So young and still .. here it was ... that first seed of responsibility. That first flicker of protective streak. I could see it all over his face. A face he would learn to school and keep stoic .. but for now it was very clear. I could not help but glance between them .. these two. Lei's thoughts about her mother .. Also's thoughts on those who were to blame. If I needed a more obvious example of the differences between men and women .. I doubt I could find one. It was for me to answer .. those who had spoken against Asria had made it public by the order of chaining her publicly. It was for me to drag every shadowed little fire-starting word into the open and stomp it out .. show it for what it was.

"Commander Sef .. Yamka and Kaeli ... there was someone else but their name is not known. They said some things about your mother .. and I ... that are not true Lei. And Sef said some things about your baby brother or sister .. that is also not true. Some things about your father .. that are not true. About when he died. But Sef has lost his command. The Ubar took it away for the things he did and the things he said." They grew quiet as they chewed on all that and before they could ask I shook my head and said .. "I do not know why .. I only know that it was done. But Sef and Kaeli have admitted their accusations were unfounded. They did not see anything they said they saw. Yamka still has to speak on it."

Lei jumped up and balled up her tiny fists and nearly screamed at me .. "Yamka is a liar!"

I simply let my gaze fall on her .. resting there on her features as they trembled with pent up anger. She flushed bright under my gaze .. knuckling her cheeks where I knew a few tears had started to escape. Also watched her .. but I saw out of the corner of my eye the muscle of his chest start to tighten .. start to draw back his small shoulders. Her bright eyes fell beneath my own .. but in defiance she tossed herself back on the grass and pulled her boots off and threw them into the stream. Leaping back to her feet and standing there in her bare feet glaring at me .. daring me to have an issue with her for throwing a perfectly good pair of shoes away.

I did not.

"That is a healthy way to express your anger .. Lei ... if you have another pair of boots to wear."

"I'd rather go barefoot than wear those stupid old ugly boots!"

I shifted in my crouch with a protest of leather and I nodded. "I think that is emotions talking Lei. You know they were not ugly .. nor old ... nor are they stupid. The boots did not do anything to you. You are angry with Yamka .. and you have every right to be. If wearing those boots is uncomfortable for you at this point .. I can understand that but attempt ... for me at least ... to sit here and talk to me like an adult and give me the same respect I am giving you."

Well that pissed her off .. I had about as much luck with logic and Lei as I had with Asria. It set off a firestorm of tiny female indignation and she screamed at me like a wounded larl and called me a few names I am sure her mother has no idea she even knows .. before she lit into me full force and pounded on my chest with furious little fists. Just before I caught her .. to save us both from toppling into the stream ... I saw Also's eyes wide with shock and a little confusion.

Welcome to women .. Also. It does not get any easier to understand.

I let her vent all her frustrations and hurts on my chest .. and she had quite a few of them ... before she just wilted and started to weep in my arms. She molded into my embrace .. soft and feminine.

At that moment I wanted to consign every soul that had brought me there to that place in time .. to the dirt .. to the soil ... where the maggots would eat their rotting corpses and never ... ever .... would they have a chance to return to the Sky. Let them forever rest with the worms .. if the power existed in my hand right then I would have put them there myself.

I do not easily forgive.

"Don't let them touch me Fonce .. please don't let them touch me!" The little voice was pleading into my shoulder as her fists were wrapped up in my tunic. "What? No one is going to touch you Lei .. not ever.. what are you talking about? Who? ... What?" I was trying to get a hold of her shoulders .. attempting to pull her out of my chest so I could see her face .. a desperate effort to understand her words. What did she mean? Who was she afraid of .. why would say that? My large rough hands finally holding her shoulders as I detached her from my chest. Black gaze finding focus on her tear stained face.

"I'll be good Fonce, I promise please don't let them hurt me. I'll be different than my mama .. please please I'll do anything you say .." At this point her cold hands grabbed my scarred cheeks and she growled like a wet sleen pup and demanded .. "Protect me Fonce .. please don't let them touch me!"

My gaze was probably as wide as Also's at this point .. you could have knocked me over with a feather. Her words did a final number on my heart and etched her eyes right on the core of my soul. At that moment I fell hopelessly and forever in love with Lei of the Tuchuk. And there is not a power beneath the Sky that could ever .. or will ever ... change that. Sky grant me forgiveness now for all the things I will do for her if she ever realizes she has that kind of power over me. There is not a mountain I will not move or a valley I will not fill .. or a river I will not bridge ... for her to walk those little bare feet over. Sky give some self preservation to anyone with even the inclination to harm this child or by every ounce of life I have in me I will lay them to waste across these plains ... I will scatter them to the four winds and I challenge the power of the five elements to even try ... to put them back together.

It was hard to speak .. my heart was filling up my entire chest and choking off my breath. "Your mother did not do anything wrong Lei .. you grow up to be yourself ... whoever that is. I give you my word as a man ... no one will ever do anything to you or lay a hand on you unless they get through me first. And I swear to you now that when you grow up I will never give you to any man that does not feel as I do about that."

"I promise too Lei." I had forgotten Also was there. He had stood and come to rest his hand on her shoulder and she turned out of my hands and hugged him ... before she turned back to me.

"Pinkie swear Fonce."

So we all pinkie swore. The three of us .. making a pact. In a couple of years they probably would have demanded my blood. Two innocents who had no idea what the Sky could do to a person ... or perhaps they were learning. Two innocents and a man with way too much experience not to know that what was going on inside of me was not something that would ever fade or pale beneath the elements of life. A man with too much experience not to know that I was very young .. very strong ... in a position of power and I would use every bit of all those things against anyone who even looked at these children in the wrong way. My honor .. my code ... my ethics all got rewritten that night. There were "special" circumstances included ... amendments.

Then .. as quick as the storm came it was over. With youth's ability to adapt and survive .. she was done with me and all that I had just put her though. She shoved her tears aside with the heel of her hand and told Also it was high time he got back to his wagons. And .. just like that they were gone ... chattering about the events they had planed for the next day .. their voices fading as they made their way back to the Harigga and their mothers.

What will it be like to have my own children? I realize now .. that it will be even more powerful ... more life changing than this and yet .... how could it be?

Sky forgive the woman that ever bears me a child of my own blood.