Seeds of Closure

It had been several days since the ridiculous scene at the Main Fires. Several days and no Yamka. Now .. I could understand not stepping up out of some healthy fear .. during the heat of the moment. But the heat of the moment was long gone and it was time to speak. Long passed time to speak .. and a woman's reputation hung on her words ... still. No matter if Yamka was to blame or not .. at this point she needed to do the right thing and tell her side of it instead of just letting Asria take the brunt of the accusations. If for no other reason than to clear her own name. But if her name and her honor were not a good enough reason to step up ... I decided enough time had lapsed and I was going to find her and ask her myself.

I learned she had been seen leaving the main Harigga and going out into the herd .. I followed the direction I was given. Rocca .. with his easy rhythm was a pleasure to ride as usual as we threaded our way through the bosk accompanied by the creak of well worn leather and the jingle of gear. I saw her sitting on a small rise and as I rode up she pushed off the ground and turned to face me.

We exchanged some pleasantries and then I asked her if she knew why I was there. She said she had heard some rumors .. of things said. She told me she was glad it was me that came to find her.

Yamka does not know me very well.

But in this case I was probably the most benign person she could have spoken to about this. The most .. calm.

I asked her what she had said to Sef .. concerning Asria and her behavior. She told me she had not said anything directly to Sef. That it was merely her and Kaeli wagering on me. Who I was going to mate .. between Asria and Seveya.

huh

Seems my personal business is fodder for gossiping tongues again.

figures

That it came up between her and Kaeli .. how often Asria moves back and forth from my wagon .. because her wagon is near mine. Which I informed Yamka it was not .. but that was not really the point at all and I asked her to continue. She said that was all it was .. wagering on me and who I would mate.. and specifically about Asria's movements and that she seemed to like me.

huh

I asked about who was there .. it was Kaeli .. Yamka .. Sorrel and Sef. I made sure Yamka knew that Asria had every right to be at my wagons. She seemed to understand that. Odd how so much could be misunderstood if everyone understood that simple fact as they claim to do so now. I asked her strait if she was accusing Sef of lying. She said she was not sure what all Sef had said but that she had told me the truth of it from her side.

So it seemed there was nothing more to it than three women gossiping and wagering over my business and carelessly and cruelly throwing out perfectly innocent women's names for fodder to anyone who was listening. I wondered if Seveya was aware how close she came to being chained to the Ubar's wagons with the same kind of accusations laid against her. I told Yamka she was fortunate Sef did not go after Seveya .. or she might have lost one of her best friends over something stupid and untrue.

She swore to me she would not wager again .. I told her that was not what I wanted ... I told her I did not believe it was so much about the wagering as about being careless with throwing out people's names and their personal business. We are Tuchuk .. wagering is a part of our lives .. we wager on two water drops as they fall down the side of a wagon ... but we do not wager on people's personal business. On the affairs of their hearts .. on their honor or innocence. We do not drag each other's names through the mud of speculation. At least .. that is what I thought the First Fires was about. Perhaps I have been gone too long and things have changed.

Whatever the case .. I was am here now. I am an Oralu. I will expect a higher code of conduct from my people. I will enforce that code with all the power given me by my Ubar and the strength of my hand. And I will do my best to stamp out any little hateful fires of discontent and malice towards those we should consider our family .. those we should treat with the same respect we like to be treated with.

She finally asked me what she could do to make Asria feel better.

I told her to tell Asria the truth. Asria faced a scarred Commander and heard the words against herself in Yamka's name. There was going to be some time needed to heal there. But I figured that honesty and effort would go a long way towards setting things right.

I took Yamka back to the Harigga with me .. letting her down from Rocca to speak to Asria. The first seeds of closure were sewn. Closure for Yamka and Asria. I kept my own opinions to myself .. where they would stay unless called on. What mattered was that I saw this as the end to it.

There was some good natured teasing .. and some teasing that I do not quite understand but I have come to tolerate. Teasing about me and pregnant women .. about babies. The mistaken notion that I will not have anything to do with either one. I have explained it. I have spoken of things that are hard for me to speak of. I have tried to be clear .. as clear as I can be about something so personal. But I suppose there is no harm in their misunderstandings. If they wish to believe such .. it only means that it will be expected when I get up and leave during certain conversations.

It was just after Yamka left that Asria asked me if I would tell her about it. I asked her .. what she spoke of. She asked me .. had I not spoken to Yamka and had not Yamka spoken to me? I told her that yes .. indeed .. we had spoken. Asria then said Yamka had spoken about a wager but refused to tell her exactly what that was about. I told Asria that Yamka had mentioned it. Asria asked me to explain it. I asked Asria why I would explain such a thing when Yamka had not.

She smiled at me .. and asked "Why wouldn't I ask you too if it were about me? It just ... " And then she glanced to Kaeli and back to me .. clearing her throat and telling me .. "Never mind."

I asked her if she was refraining from further questions because she thought I would not speak in front of Kaeli .. because I wanted her to know it had nothing to do with Kaeli ... that would not speak Yamka's business with or without Kaeli around.

I think it is the hormones. It is really all I can chalk it up to because it makes no sense to me .. the next few words exchanged ... her parting shot. All I know is that Asria reminded me that night how tired women make me feel .. and how welcome my empty wagon was when I finally got around to falling into my furs.

Tonight I am very comfortable being .. alone.