Magic Thread

"Are you jealous Fonce?"

"Jealous? Jealous of what?" That question had no relevance that I could see to what I had come to speak of with Aod.

"Of the attention."

"Which attention are we speaking of?"

"The attention brought to you as Ubar."

It was a question I had not foreseen or expected from Aod. The ancient Spex sat and played with a long string as she spoke to me. I had finally made it around to the Clan and the Elders planned a celebration for my return .. but I had found a conversation more to my liking .. a conversation between me and one other. Ba'atar had asked me to head up the Haruspex Clan. Aod was the only person I could think of that would be able to answer my questions with no vested interest in the answers ... other than it was her Clan.

We sat together around a small fire near the steps to her wagon. I held a wooden bowl of milk in my hands .. a comfortable crouch supported my frame.

Talking to Aod is a lot like talking to Oren. It sooths my soul usually. Other times it stirs things I would rather have locked away. But this was neither one of those times .. this was something different I had not predicted. So I gave the question the kind of attention it deserved instead of giving my knee-jerk reaction. Telling people what they might want to hear as apposed to really searching around inside of me for the honest answer. Was I? I had noticed the difference. I had noticed the ability to be alone .. but I had to counter with the fact that even though I had very little time alone before as Ubar I was so often ... lonely. The attention I received as Ubar had nothing to do with filling my loneliness. Had nothing to do with making me feel a part of someone else. In a personal way.

"No Aod. I am not jealous. I can honestly say if I was asked to be the Ubar again .. I would not do so. That was my time as Ubar .. now there is a different time. I will not go back .. you can not make something the way it was before. There is only a new time. I will step forward as a man .. as a Tuchuk. I do not wish to go back. I do not wish for that attention. I never aspired to be Ubar .. I did what was asked of me as a Tuchuk. But I have given what was expected of me. I have sacrificed and served as I feel was my duty. I want something different for me. I am a different man. I am not sure how many ways I am different .. but I am. There are things inside of me now that I do not understand yet. Things I need time to learn of before I can say .. I am a whole man again. There is time .. time that has wrought its mark on me and I see results .. but no map to tell me how this has come about. No Aod .. if I had any doubts ... my time back has only reinforced the knowledge in me I am more happy now. I have time to devote to the things that I want to do as a Tuchuk man. It is a gift .. one I value more than I can express. But I do not understand what that has to do with my question about being head of the Clan."

"Wise words Fonce of the Tuchuk. Whatever you have gone through in your time away from your people I am pleased with the results. You will find answers with a slave girl." I watched her read the string as it moved effortlessly through her fingers .. my jaw tightening as I listened to her words. "She will come to you from the plains. She will show you much of that which you are missing of the last three years. The learning will be hard for you but you are strong enough to grasp it if you do not allow your temper to swallow it. Do not kill that which is hers or much time will be wasted in your search for answers." I listened but I was growing impatient .. wanting the answers to my questions ... and then she gave them. "You are not ready for the head of Clan yet .. Fonce of the Tuchuk. You have much to regain first. Your strength. Your place here. You must learn how people have changed and you must reacquaint yourself with those of us that are left. Many of us have gone to the Sky. There are very few of the oldest Elders left in the Clan. This move was hard on all Clans. That is my advice Fonce of the Tuchuk. Whether you take it or heed it is up to you."

She put the string down in her lap .. still threaded through her fingers and looked at me through those dark eyes lined with years of experience and wisdom learned from the hardships of Tuchuk life. She wore her wrinkles like I wore my scars and I felt .. honored to sit there with her as I was.

"I will do these things Aod. I will do them and I will tell Ba'atar he must wait if he wishes me to be head of the Clan. I will step aside for now as you have spoken and I will trust your wisdom and your word on it."