My Name is .. Fonce

Cana had told me there was something she wished to speak to me of just before I left .. allowing the women to coo and coddle the babes. But it was a couple of days later before I had a chance to find her.

She was cooking meat over coals and the smell made my stomach tighten with hunger .. Cana could always cook. She offered me a cup of blackwine and I readily accepted .. the heat soaking through the cup into my chilled hands and I savored the aroma laden steam as it bathed my face.

She asked me about my name. Fonce. It is not something I have spoken much of I suppose ... not something I am very comfortable with speaking of especially to the tender ears of a woman like Cana.. someone who I want to think well of me. I do not go around telling people that my name had to do with the idea that I was a bad omen. A darkness .. both within me .. and from me to others.

Do not get me wrong .. I am proud of my name for it is what makes me a Named Man. A man allowed to earn his courage scar .. a man allowed to live and own and take for himself. It is not a nice name. But it is my identity .. it is who I am ... for good .. or in this case ... for bad.

Cana asked me if I would mind if she named her First Daughter .. Fonce. My breath caught in my chest .. my mind frozen solid with fear. Why would anyone do that to their child? Why would you curse something so delicate and beautiful with that name? Why would anyone choose to carry on that heritage of darkness beyond me?

She said it was because I was a friend .. and she wished to honor that. I had to swallow the urge to yell at her never to allow such a thing. Never to curse her child like this. Surely .. if I just let her know the truth .. the real truth without any softened edges she would see .. and know. If I could paint for her my own portrait of a three year old boy and when it all became real for me.

But .. what if she never knew? What if she allowed the child to become Cana's version of my name? Blessing her with intent instead of what the name meant to me? Those that know the real unadulterated truth are a few elders .. not many of them left after this last move. Perhaps .. there was a chance that something so innocent and perfect could carry the weight of it beyond my own ability. If I just did not let the whole of the truth ever be heard by either of their ears.

I did however tell Cana .. that my name had been given because I was considered a bad omen .. a harbinger of darkness. She said she did not understand that .. how that could be. I did not fill her in or give her the reasons .. I did not expect her to understand .. I just had to tell her that much of the truth before I allowed her to do this to her First Daughter.

I told her .. I would allow it. Despite all my better judgements screaming like a dying man who begs for a second chance. I did tell her though to expect me to be protective. She thought I meant from normal everyday sorts of dangers that plague the life of all Tuchuk. But that is not the case. I will do anything to protect her from

..the meaning of my own name.