Many Moods of Silken

When Silken joined Leonette and I she greeted me with a wide toothy smile.

Seems she is feeling a little better.

She had heard of the old woman's stitches and wanted to see it for herself. I told her it was fine. I even gave her my word that if it started bothering me I would let her look at it. She denied that I would .. I gently but firmly reminded her that I had indeed given my word. And she listened to me. Mostly. A lot of protesting but no fight.

That was the second woman that had not given me any verbal knock-down-drag-out fights about my shoulder. That was odd.

But it actually was all right. Just sore. Kept working it open but I had tasks that could not be allowed to fall to the side.

How soon I seem to forget that all of it happened so damned well without me for a long time.

Honestly ... I think that is one of the things I am working the hardest to forget.

Watching the dynamics between Leonette and Silken would have been rather fascinating had they not done their best to make me the toy in between. More Silken than Leonette ... tugging me into the middle I mean. But the times of teasing were one of those palpable moments where Leonette seemed to flare with color and life. The two of them appeared happy .. carefree even ... for a little while.

It is one of those facets of beauty. When a woman forgets things and simply lives in a bubble of a moment. Allows herself to feel .. expressions without constraint. Nothing seems to touch her .. she is safe. Safe to feel and lift her face to the Sky.

I count it a privilege to have been there. It showed me the parts I remember about the two of them that seem to be falling in the cracks lately. Not denying who they are now .. just a small painted picture of the whole.

It made me feel less the stranger here.

Silken is much more .. Silken. Busting out of her seams. Not that I miss those flashes when she remembers things .. unpleasant things. But I see it less than before. I saw more today of the drive-to-survive that I look for in every Tuchuk. That .. not ready to die ... part. Not until they take my beating heart from my chest ... part. Those are my favorite parts of the Tuchuk.

I am still a little unsettled by the many moods of Silken. Sometimes when I talk to her I have to double check to see if I am talking to someone else .. mistaking her for Silken. But today I had no doubts.

I wonder if I will ever see the Silken that Silken does not wish anyone to see. If I will ever get passed all the masks .. known or new. I wonder what is buried beneath .. deep inside. It is a strong something .. a something that adapts to survive but does not like to do so. Something that would much rather be accepted for what it is .. something that peeks through the thickest of her shields.

I think of Silken like a crystal. A prism of glass that somehow has all of the facets taken apart and sorted out in nice little rows. Like she chooses one at a time to wear according to her assessment of which one is most likely to be accepted. Once in a while she gets it wrong and all hell breaks loose. Which I believe amuses her to some degree .. until she faces some unpleasant consequence. If she just moves quick enough and keeps changing facets she can stay ahead of the game.

Speaking of games .. I think there is one she wishes to play with me. I am just not sure yet which game it is and if it is one that I am willing to play. My plan at this point is to just sit still and see which facet she chooses and .. wonder what it would be like if she ever got them all together at one time and refracted light like she was intended to.