Improved View

Those nasty clammy fingers were still doing laps up and down my spine and the hot and cold whispers were still buzzing around my ear making visuals in my head I did not understand and could not fully materialize into a memory .. when I got to the Main fires. Cana was there .. her calm motherly way was a welcomed thing. But that jit monkey was still riding me hard.

She caught me staring at my boots. Said something to the effect of them being unsung heroes for carrying the bulk of our burdens. I told her hopefully they took us out of trouble faster than they took us into it. She asked me what was weighing so heavy on my shoulders and instead of answering her I asked a question of my own. I asked her if Ba'atar was around. She said he was gone for a few days taking care of some issues near the back wagons. I then finally answered her question .. I told her I had been to see Silken.

She asked me .. how Silken was.

I replied and the venom and bile filled my tone as I spat out the words .. "she should not be kept like that .. no Tuchuk should be ... like a dweller growing pink and soft without wind and rain and the burning Central Fire on their skin." There was a nasty curl to my lip .. I let it go with some difficulty shrugging my shoulders as if to relieve it from me.

She winced .. and I instantly felt bad for the poison I let creep into my voice. I apologized to her .. I had not meant to let it out .... I told her I would speak of this to Ba'atar as I should.

I needed to pull myself together .. I had no idea why this was effecting me so violently.

She shifted the conversation to the one thing that was pretty much guaranteed to work. Also. She thanked me for spending my time with him and I told her I hoped she let me do so again. It was me .. that should be thanking her. For seeing far more than most .. what I really needed. And caring enough to throw it in my way so even if I was not always ready to admit it .. I at least tripped over it.

People began to gather around us .. drawn in by the light and warmth of the fires. It was good to see them. Good to meet new ones .. good to see those I felt comfortable with that I had not seen in some time.

I was served tonight by Jai's personal slave .. though I did not catch her name she surprised me. Now I am aware there are always slaves around .. here and there doing what slaves do .. but it is rare lately for them to spend any more energy than necessary on me. So rare that it took me off guard when she served me my blackwine. She took initiative. Impressive. Definitely improved my mood .. at least the visual I carried away from the fires was much better than the one I arrived with.