Human Relationships

T'zuri and I were sitting on the steps together .. blue joined us. I .. asked her what she wanted. Not only out of habit but because she was at my wagon instead of the main fires. She said she had come to serve me and spend a moment of time with me if it pleased me.

So I asked her .. how she intended to serve me. What time did she want to spend with me?

She said ... in any way I felt I might.

So I wondered aloud if she had nothing in mind then? No want of me aside from what I might or might not want from her?

She said no.

And she smiled.

huh

Then she told me her only thought was to be there and to add some pleasure to my day.

So I asked her .. how she was going to go about that then.

She said she was going to kneel beautifully. By doing and being and savoring whatever it was I might desire of her.

So .... I asked her if she had no original thought other than that? .. no want? She replied other than that ... no.

huh

Why? ... Why is that?

She said because I came first .. that she understood what I had taught her. That she savored the lesson. And the only thing she hungered and wanted for was time at my feet so I could do whatever I wished with her.

Blue says she is capable of having wants and desires of me beyond my own .. I have yet to see or experience them. In my desire to teach her to think of something aside from what she wanted from people .. I have brought her to a stage of nothing. She has divorced herself from her own desires and created in herself a blank slate. Now that is attractive to a man who has a shit load of desires and wants he needs a blank slate for to draw them on. I do not want a blank slate. I want a woman. A woman with all the colors of the rainbow busting out of her seams. I want to paint with her. But to paint with her she has to have some colors. I want to know who she is and what she likes and why she likes it .. while yet she still retains the ability to think of me .. put me first. A delicate balance. To offer me a plate of choices while remembering it is still my choice and I may not choose at all. I like choices .. I like to know who is kneeling at my feet unless they wish to be treated like most every other slave and given chores and tasks. But if blue never stretches beyond that first lesson on selfishness .. I will continue to send her off to do chores. I will give her tasks because that is all she asks of me. That is all she wants from me. She can experience her slavery .. her collar .... her submissiveness without me. Perhaps that is the way she needs it .. I do not know. I have come to the end of my gift of asking ... what she wants from me because she appears not to need or want a damn thing from me as a master or a man.

That offends me. It makes me a nothing. Nondescript entity that exists only about my own needs at the time. I can accomplish nothing. I can succeed at nothing other than visiting my base primordial ooze desires on whatever pussy happens to be kneeling at my feet ... tossing her away as soon as I have spent my urge .. walking away with no other thought for myself or for her.

The relationship between a master and a slave is a dance of give and take. Of having desires and providing for needs. I am a man .. I am all about possessing and protecting and providing. It is innate in me. I breathe it and live it and I look for people who allow me to fulfill it. There are two ways to avoid me. Either have no need or desire of me at all .. or give me so many that I can not succeed or accomplish anything and I drown in your wants and desires never getting the chance to rise above them for a breath.

There is a path in the middle there .. a sweet spot if you will. Where I am allowed to be a man .. made to feel like a man who can take and possess and conquer and be successful at my relationships. There is no room for selfishness in any relationship .. especially one between a master and slave.

It is not all about blue .. but it is also not all about me.

The bonus that comes with a slave is .. it is done when I want to do it. When I wish to provide it. I will chew on the bone whenever it pleases me to do so .. but come on ... throw me the bone.