Hold on Tight .. to Your Dreams

I am angry.

I really need to think about that. How often I am angry.

It is not as if I am an unhappy man. Or that I avoid happiness. That is not so at all. In fact I actually enjoy being happy. It is a good feeling .. one I seek. I find many times that I am indeed happy.

But this is not one of those times.

This time it has to do with the Dream War.

I found a Dream Catcher buried underneath my wagon. I do not know when it was put there .. obviously some time after we moved North. I do not know who put it there. The only reason I found it was Yaz dug it up and when I went under the wagon today to take the pups I found it there .. half buried .. half chewed on. But still there. Still operative.

When I say I do not know who put it there I mean that. But I do know it was female. I got that much from it before whoever it was disconnected themselves from it. I was so angry half the Haruspex in camp must have felt me when I latched onto that thing. Half the Haruspex and anyone in touch with the emotional currents that flow around us. My anger was like a plains fire that spread out faster than any wind across the grass. A rush .. and then it was gone. It is no wonder she disconnected so swiftly. Otherwise I would have destroyed her before I even knew who she was. But at this point I know she is fine .. if slightly singed.

But I on the other hand .. I am furious. Who did she think she was? How dare she interfere with something that has nothing to do with her? This is between Aunt and I .. and no one else. Anyone who interferes will be considered my enemy. Even if they are there to help me .. I do not want their help. I want to win. I am too angry to consider myself part of anything other than revenge right now. She will pay. I will destroy her. Me .. not anyone else. She will know it is all me. She will know it is my power .. my fingerprints all over her demise.

But now I can not concentrate. Now I am a little lost with this new player in my game. A game meant for two .. not three. Who is this? Did they mean to hurt me or save me? Whose side are they on? There is no way to take part without being on a side .. that would be impossible. Neither Aunt or I would allow it. There is no neutral ground here. There is no intercessor. There is no ambassador of peace. There will be no peace .. neither one of us want that now. The only way Aunt will stop is if I go down on one knee and admit she was right. Which I will never do. Not for her .. not for anyone. She is delusional if she thinks I will stop at anything but her total and complete destruction.

I know I must go up the mountain. I know the next piece to my puzzle rests at the top. I know I will find my next answer there that will lead me to my next question. I know now is the time because I have failed in the three. I will have to find another way.

I desperately need that kaiila. I need the black kaiila with the white eye and the blue eye. I need him to get to the top of the mountain .. I need him to get up the trail. I need him to be blind to the crevasse and I need the blue to ward off the magic of the mountain. I need him to see for me .. I need him to get me up there for I will have to go blindfolded. I need him to accomplish my task. I need him as a means to an end. And I must do this soon or this third player may make it harder. And I know it will be hard enough.

The mountain is a beacon of answers in a land of questions. So many questions they have created a vacuum of darkness. The trail leads up one side of the mountain and down the other. To get up you need a kaiila that is blind to the questions and can withstand the answers. Blind to the cliff side .. where the darkness of questions will drive anyone insane instantly .. and impervious to the answers which would drive anyone with anything but blue eyes over the side into the questions .. just to find at least one to deal with so many answers all at once. It is a place of extremes. A place with no middle ground save the trail. I can not go alone. I need the kaiila.

But for some reason I can not find him. I do not want him bad enough. So I have given the quest to Polunu .. who I believe wants him bad enough to move the currents and reveal the beast. I need Polunu .. to get to the beast. Once I have the beast I can get up the mountain and find the answer I need. I will reach the top and I will talk to the Man of Stone and I will learn what I need to get passed the fact I have failed with the three.

All my hope and all my plans rest on Polunu now. May he want Aiyana as his woman bad enough to reveal the beast to me.

Bitch better keep her hands off my dreams ... I have a death grip on them myself.