Forgive .. me

When I woke it was cold. A shiver went through me and I pulled at my extremities hoping to bring them close to my body. I was wet .. slick congealed something ... covered in it. Felt like blood .. was it mine? Or had the man of stone been something more? How many times had I been bathed in blood .. mine and others. It was not the blood that phased me .. it was the darkness .. the cold. The lost feeling.

I am sorry Fonce .. for wasting all you had for what I thought I could not live without. I am sorry Tuchuk ... for deserting you when you were mine to care for. I am sorry my friends for leaving you without word or thought. I am sorry my family ... for I have left you in your time of need. I am sorry T'zuri ... for giving up all I had for that which truly meant nothing in the face of all that I could have gained. For not being there when you needed me the most.

Forgive .. me.

I was a changed man .. I could feel it. I could feel the knowledge and the wisdom that built up in me like a plains stream .. busting through the soil to get out and free. I would do better .. I would value that which was real and true to value. I would grasp to me that which was mine and I would care for it like I had never cared for anything in my entire life.

If I could just have a chance to do so again. If I could just get out of this .. mess. If I could just find my way back. If I could just be .. home. Alive. A whole man. If I just had the chance to make it all right ... I knew I could this time.

I shivered again before I noticed a light on the horizon. Horizon? How was that possible? Where had the horizon come from? What horizon?

There I was questioning again .. when I should be fucking thankful there was a horizon .. any horizon. How little we change even when we think we have grown by leaps and bounds. I grunted to myself as I watched the first of three moons climb up into the Sky .. stars .. why had I not seen them before? They were spread out like a great fur rug and just as comforting to me now. Except they were not warm. Warm would be good .. my teeth set to chattering and I thought for sure they were going to hack themselves to pieces and fall out between my lips.

Yes .. warm would be very good. I glanced down over myself .. the blood that covered me dark .. colorless in the moons light ... adding to the cold. I rose to my feet .. the sword I had clutched gone now .. as was the room and the mountain. Grass stretched out from me as far as I could see and the Sky rose above me as far as I could stretch. I smiled. I was a long way from everything and everyone and I had no idea how much time had passed but I was free .. I had another chance. I set off towards where I thought the Harigga would be .. where I had left it .. by the position of the moons and the stars I thought sure I had not been gone that long ... I was sure I would find them where I had left them ... little did I know that they would be there all right .. but a full year had passed and nothing was going to be the way it had been ...

..just nothing at all.