On the .. Edge

The edge. That place where everything pauses .. breath held ... waiting. The future's horizon stretched out before you .. the past over your shoulder and the universe waits for you to take that first step from one into the next. Sometimes that sensation lasts only a moment .. sometimes it stretches out into days. At least .. for me that is true.

This particular time the sensation is stretching out for me. Like remembering a dream when you are awake .. catching just a hint of that ethereal .. otherworldly feel. A hesitation to take that step just because you are savoring that moment for what it is.

My slave and I have settled into a kind of comfort. She seems happy with the way things are .. or perhaps she is still sore from my sharp words. She has not failed in her duties nor slacked from her chores. Sometimes there is just silence between us .. other times she plays her flute which is relaxing.

I have seen sumki a few times now. There is something a little addicting about the sexual connection without any feelings. There is an energy that comes from pushing each other from a completely different platform than either one of us is used to. All right with each of us thinking about someone else while we do it. Using the frustration to challenge each other .. translating each emotion strictly sexually. In the end being sexually sated while our emotions are still hungry .. seeking ... starved. And laughing about that with each other. So honest .. so clear.

I am not saying it is healthy or good for us .. but neither am I saying it is not. Neither one of us seem to have anyone to talk to and in my case .. I am not so good at the "talking" about things like this. So this release takes the edge off. I do not want to feel comfortable right now .. I want to feel excited and hungry... this works for me.

I am not sure what is about to change .. but I feel it. I feel the edge. I know I am about to step forward and move in some new direction. I believe it is made stronger by the push to search for grass. But it is more personal than just the normal routine that is an integral part of our lives. I have not tried too hard to figure it out .. finding a certain pleasure in that moment of held breath .. that edge.