Dinner .. And a Show

I ate tonight at Ba'atar's fires. Since he mated Cana I was assured of good food.. very good food. Ba'atar bet me that he could eat more bosk than I could. The ludicrous nature of that bet made it amusing for all concerned. Lately I am the sideshow it seems.

He questioned me yet again on what I could remember. I had to confess one more time that there was nothing more I could tell him. He wanted to know if I knew why he kept asking .. of course I did. I would have done the same thing in his place when I was Ubar. Anything that effects the safety of my people .. whether individually or as a whole ... was something I wanted to know everything about. All I could give him though was that I would tell him anything that I learned that effected this Tribe as soon as I learned it.

I will be relieved when people stop asking me .. not because I do not wish to tell them ... but simply because I can not.

Jai and his mate joined us. Jai I know ... his mate was someone I had not met before. I do not know much about her.

All in all it was a pleasant visit. Ba'atar told me of a young bull who had escaped him as of yet .. and if I could actually get a rope on him and brand him he was mine. Now I do not need a new bosk any more than every Tuchuk can use a new bosk ... but this was more than a gift of a bosk .. this was something to test my strength against ... a challenge .. something to work for. A goal if you will to measure my recovery. I was pleased.

Something else came out of dinner this evening. In talk .. things ... things came up that evoked responses from me I am not sure what to do with or how to understand. Death .. bloodshed ... the art of war and torture is nothing new to me of course. But it is not something I make a part of my every day conversation. I usually find that those that do it the most talk about it the least. And in regards to dwellers I have never had a lot of emotion. They meant nothing to me. Nothing more than the animals who burrow and dwell within the earth.

However .. I have found things slipping from my mouth that are much more emotional about both than I ever remember feeling before. I hear myself talking but ... it does not seem like me. I must think about this .. I must introspect. I must understand before I see action following words with no understanding inbetween.