the Fire in her eyes

I could not sleep. The floor was too hard. The fur was too soft. It was too quiet in my wagon. It was too noisy outside. It was too dark .. there was too much light from the stars.

You get the idea.

I tossed and turned for a while. Cursing my aching bones that seemed to stick out from my skin all over. This way it was my shoulder .. that way it was my hip ...

I was lonely. Ridiculous .. how many nights had I spent in this wagon alone and I was fine. This is how it always was. There were more nights alone in this wagon than there ever had been with anyone else.

Did not matter. The fur was still too soft and the floor was still too hard ..I wanted to talk to someone about T'zuri. I did not want anyone to ask me of her.. I wanted to remember each moment .. but I did not want to think about her ... need I go on ...

So I finally gave up and shoved fingers back through the length of my hair. A slow exhale before I ducked back out of my flaps and wandered off down the lanes between the wagons.

Figured I might as well go see what maggot had possessed Silken .. taken over her body and polluted her brain with worm like attributes. I hoped she was still up .. and pleasantly surprised to find her at her fires.

She looked good as usual .. a little rough around the edges but ... as a Tuchuk I find that attractive. We spoke a little .. she was reticent ... as she had been at the fires. I told her Tarra mentioned she and Shi were mated again. That I was supposed to remember that but .. I told her I did not. She told me how it had come about. She knew I supported her and would not judge her for her decisions .. and yet she seemed a little defensive about the whole thing. At least at first .. she appeared to calm down when she realized I was not there to be opinionated about her personal life.

She finally shared with me why she had been acting so strange. Now I understand it for the most part and the parts I do not I figure have to do with her being female and me being male. Those parts that I never understand no matter how hard I try. She gave me some things to eat that would help my stomach accept the food a little better .. a little faster. And she gave me tea.. kaiila piss. Nasty shit. Do not see a bit of use for it .. but it did help. Not that I will admit it. That would be too much.

She hugged me .. kissed me on the cheek. Took me off guard. No matter how many women I rape and slaves I fuck ... still a woman kissing my cheek can confuse the hell out of me. About that time Ba'atar approached her fires. I was pleased and welcomed the interruption because ..well I was all twisted up and off my groove. The two of them needed to talk anyway. And they did .. with a little persuasion on my part. Just a little .. that was all that was needed. At least she spoke up .. said some of the things on her mind. Now it did not get her far but that really was not the point .. the point was she needed do the saying of it. She needed to step up and stop the load of boskshit that was slipping between her lips.

It was good to see Ba'atar and I had a chance to get a good look at him while he was speaking to Silken. He looks older .. older than three years should do to a man ... but I guess the position will do that. It always does. But he looks good .. strong. The lines of decision etched around his eyes and his mouth all ready .. making him look like a grown up warrior. I was proud to see it. Meant a lot to me .. especially since he was the Ubar now.

Silken and I spoke for a bit longer after Ba'atar left. It was good to say some of the things built up in me. Some of the things I had not said to anyone yet. We both spewed a little bile and felt better for it. A few moments of mutual understanding. Valued above so many other trivial things. I can say that before I left I saw some of that fire I remembered in her eyes. It was good to see.