Blackwine ... Rush

People .. amuse me.

When they are not irritating the piss out of me .. that is.

Sounds comfortingly familiar.

This morning after I rode with the herd I returned to the main fires and I drank my first cup of blackwine since my return. That familiar rush .. only more so. Flushing of blood racing just under my skin. Warming ... lifting. Clashing with the wind cooled flesh of my cheeks. The leather chafed skin of my hands.

I have missed that. I have missed that a lot.

But .. there is one thing that is clear to me. I am now alone. There was a time I could not find two moments alone unless I cleverly and creatively dodged Kam's guard. Now .. there are great stretches of time alone punctuated with brief moments where people break away from their burdens of living and scratching for their place with the Tribe to talk to me. But their talk to me no longer is driven by what they need/want/desire. They talk to me briefly in passing as they do their neighbors or acquaintances. Yes I think that is it .. I think that captures what I am trying to say. I am now an acquaintance. It is odd and strangely relaxing at the same time. There are no demands on my time other than those of any other Tuchuk. It feels .. good.

Except for one thing.

I have decided I am going to take a slave.